Indecent SMS Jokes

→  This sms can only be read by a SEXY person: Try again...... Nothing? Sorry, i guess your just not SEXY..HEY! dont force it, ugly git!!
→  Yo mama's so ugly, even the elephant man paid to see her.
→  Ive got a tongue that'll blow ur mind let me hit u wid a 69 kiss me, caress me, slowly undress me I may seem defenceless, but baby I can fuck u senseless.
→  Don't be sad... don't feel blue... Frankenstein was ugly too...
→  Wat's the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty? ANS: When U pull a curtain, it means tat the show is over. But pulling down a panty means IT'S SHOWTIME!
→  I really, deeply wish tat u r here wif me in my room, on my bed & lights is off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my.. new watch tat glow in the dark
→  What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support people are going to think we're nuts!
→  Why are women like parking spaces?... Bcoz the good ones are always taken and the rest are all disabled!
→  A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home
→  According 2 Chinese Docs, a WoMaN'S BoDy HaS Five RooMS: 1.FACE-show room 2.BOOBS-play room        3.TUMMY-store room 4.VAGINA-men's room 5.ANUS-emergency room
→  Hi i'm an alien i'm checking for some chicks in your phonebook searching..... searching..... searching..... sorry no chicks found. conclusion, your are gay!
→  RECIPE 4 LUV CAKE:spread legs,squeeze + massage milk pots,check frequently with midfinger,add banana,work in-out till well
→  I once had a One2One with a virgin, she teased me till i had an Erikson, sucked me till my face went Orange, till busted my Siemen all over her Nokias!
→  Humpty Dumpty fucked a fat whore, Humpty Dumpty blew on the floor. All the kings horses & all the kings men, laid the slut down & fucked her again!
→  NEWSFLASH:) Earthquake in Pakistan...50,000 dead...U.S.A sending money, France sending food, Britain sending replacement paki's!!!

→  i went for a walk with my uncle jim, when somebody threw a tomato
at him, tomatos dont hurt i replied with a grin. they fucking well
do when theyre still in the tin.....
→  Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, spontaneous, good-looking, nice friends, charming, funny, well...Enough about ME! How about you?
→  Beat me bash me bite my bum, ill whip u strip u til u cum, suck me fuck me lick me out, pull my nipples til i shout
→  Birdy birdy in the sky dropped a poopy in my eye, I don't worry I don't cry, I'm just happy that cows can't fly!
→  sex is a sensation. It's about a man's temtation, putting his location in a woman's destination. Do you understand the explanation or do you need a demonstration?
→  BOY : May I hold your hand ??
   GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy
→  GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
   BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

→ Advantages of breast milk
A. No need to boli
B. Cat cannot steal
C.available in attractive containers
D.Liked by all age groups
E.Ek Par Ek FREE

→ 23 useless things in a man's body
20 nails cannot be hammered
2 balls u cannot throw
1 cock cannot crow
Don't laugh gals ur pussy cannot catch mouse


→ Cocktail Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes u cum!
→ Triplets or Twins I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins!
→ satisfy a woman HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN; caress, excite, cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper, console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job

→ Life is like a dick Life is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it!
→ Rainbow Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum!
→ Love & War LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and i'll blow the shit out of you!
→ Little Girl When i was a girl,i had a little quim,i sat upon my bed & put a finger in,now im a woman & full of grace & charm,I can get 4fingers in & HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!!
→ Virginity Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone forever!
→ Question Time Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur wall?
A)walnuts
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur chest?
A)chestnuts
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur chin?
A)a mouth full of cock!
→ The Truth QUESTION)Wots the difference between ur job & ur girlfriend?
ANSWER)ur job always sucks!!!!!
→ Pringles Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop, you can't stop!!
→ Marriage A man woz arranged 2 b married!He had a choice of 3 women!1st woz a rich docter,2nd woz a poor cleaner & 3rd woz a prostitute!WHO DID HE PICK?The 1 wiv big tits!
→ Getting Old U NO UR GETTIN OLD IF
1)if ur age woz ur shoe size theyd b a mile long
2)doin it 5 times a nite means gettin up to piss
3)the only way u get a 69 is playin bingo
→ Baby Please Of all the babes ur my selection,please dont giv me a rejection,my teeth are clean for ur inspection,so giv my mouth a tongue injection!
→ Pair of tights? HOW MANY ANIMALS CAN U FIT IN A PAIR OF TIGHTS? 10 little piggies,2 calves,1 ass,1 pussy,1 beaver,loads of hares & 1 smelly fish!
→ Sex+drugs Sex+drugs+rock+rave,lets get drunk & misbehav,on weed+speed +little e's,well get drunk & talk 2 trees,u only live once & den u die,so fuck em all & lets get high!
→ Men like toilets Y MEN R LIKE TOILETS
1)dey r always out of order
2)dey stink
3)the nice ones r always engaged
4)dey consume large amounts of liquid
5)r constantlt full of shit!
→ Mary's bush Mary Mary, quite contrary, trim that pussy its too damn hairy!!!
→ Horny Roses are red, voilets are corny, when i think of you babes it makes me so HORNY!!!
→ 5 bad things 5 BAD THINGS 2 SAY 2 A NAKED GUY
1)so dis explains ur car!
2)but still work,right?
3)r u cold?
4)shood i get a pump?
5)so i guess dis makes me d early bird!
→ Hickory, dickory, dock Hickory, dickory, dock,dis bitch woz suckin me cock,da clock struck 2,i dumped me goo,& dropped her at da end of da block
→ Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb,she kept it in da backyard,wen she took her panties off,his wooly dick got hard!
→ Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater,had a wife & liked to beat her,smacked her twice around da head, Fucked her arse & went 2 bed!
→ Being a student Being a student is so much fun,wen u have degrees in playin wiv tongues,if u be my teacher in how tongues flex,we'll both graduate in hot oral sex!
→ Down on her Knees Shes down on her knees,Eager to please,Wiv a throb of his nob in her gob,Wiv a tingle in his belly,his legs turn to jelly cos shes doin a fuckin good job!
→ Cat and the Sausage A cat tries 2 get a sausage out of a river,but gets its paws wet,then it sees a bigger 1 but falls in!MORAL OF THE STORY?The bigger the sausage the wetter the pussy!
→ Oral sex Oral sex can b so fine,wen u do a 69,u start 2 shake,moan & quiver,den u cum just like a river,den u lick it up in vain,wipe ur lips and start again!
→ Mary's bike Mary had a little bike,she rode it bak 2 front,all the time the wheels went round the spokes went up her cunt
→ NewsFlash *NEWSFLASH* Tell ALL your female friends that i can get 1000 tampons for ?1, No Strings attached but for a limited period ONLY! Its A bloody good deal !

→ Nutella I love when you stick your little fingers in me deep and lick it all . Love always , Nutella.
→ U and the Pope do u know what's the diference between U geting laid, and the pope geting laid?? if the pope gets laid, it's a sin, and if U get laid, its a miracle!! :)
→ Old Days in days of old wen knights were bold + condoms wernt invented they tied socks around their cocks + people like u were prevented.
→ Sex, Drugs + Birthcontrol Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll
Speed, weed and birthcontrol,
lifes a bitch, then u die,
so fuck the world
lets get high..

→ Kiss Me Kiss's r blown + kiss's r wasted kiss's rnt kiss's unless they r tasted, kiss's spread germz + germz hated, so kiss me BABE im vacinated!
→ How many letters How many letters are in the Alphabet?? Nineteen. Because ET went Home on a UFO and the FBI went after him!
→ My Roof? last night I lay in my bed looking at the beautiful stars, the moon and the sky.... then I thought where the fuck is my roof??
→ Foot and Mouth mary had a little lamb,its name was little ralph,its burnin in a field right now cos its got foot and mouth
→ Blondes What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
Some traffic signs say stop
→ Operator This is your mobile operator and we just found out you are too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it . Thank you
→ Blonde Womens legs what did the blondes womens left leg say to the blonde womens right leg? don't know they never met!
→ This Way Up Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry
370HSSV 0773H
→ I love you This time im sure about wat i feel & im gonna say it
i
i l
i lo
i lov
i love
i love y
i love yo
i love young girls with Shaven Pussys!
→ Mary's Lambs Mary had 2 little lambs their names were Jack and Gypsy. One day they got foot and mouth and now they're black and crispy.
→ Sheep Group of sheep in field, one says i dont feel well. The others reply shut the fuck up your get us all shot.
→ Butter Your teeth are so yellow, i can't believe it's not butter!!!
→ Condom factory Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
→ Yo Mama Yo mama's so ugly, even the elephant man paid to see her.
→ Mary Stinks Mary had a smelly minge with pubes as dark as charcoal.So most the men go round the back and stick it up her arsehole!
→ Mary's Duck mary had a little lamb she also had a duck, she put them on the mantlepiece to see if they would fuck
→ Tampons whats the difference between a mini tampon..a middle tampon and a large tampon?....they r all stuck up cunts!

Dirty SMS

→ Man Teases his ex-wife's new husband: So, dude how was the second-hand stuff?
New husband: Not bad. After the first 3 inches, she was brand new.

→ Whenever u feel low, depressed or useless, remember that u r the same sperm that won a battle against a million others.


→ Blonde: I think my tits are full of water.
Doctor: How do u figure that?
Blonde: Everytime a guy squeezes them my pussy gets wetv

→ Q: What's the definition of indefinitely?
A: When your balls are slapping up against her ass, you are in.....definitely.

→ Cricketer describing a nude girl:
There is no cover, there is no extra cover, there 2 silly points, 2 fine legs & a deep gully, with little grass on the pitch.

→ What's the geographical definition of sex?
It's an action done by Pol-land into Hol-land between Thai-land, occasionally with a little help from Greece!

→ What is invisible sex?
A male Negro fucking a female Negro under moonless night in a coal mine wearing a black condom.

→ Q: Does penis deserve overtime & hazard pay?
A: Yes! Coz it works in deep, damp, hot tunnels, often head down & mostly in night shifts!

→ UR msgs r like a Girl's Period, comes once a month for 3-4days & disappears. But My msgs r like a Man's Sperms that come Daily or Twice a Day. So msg like a Man.

→ Prof teaching muscle movement, asks a lady: Do you know what your asshole does when you have an orgasm?
Lady: Sure, he's at the office, working!

→ A woman who arouses a man and leaves is called a Cockteaser. What is a man who does the same called?
A Moisturiser.

→ Our love will never become cold and hollow unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

→ A prostitute's nursery rhyme:
One two lets screw,
Three four I'm a whore,
Five six suck the dick,
Seven eight ejaculate,
Nine ten fuck me again.

→ A friend like u is not like boobs coz everyone sucks them. Not like vagina coz it tears. You r like a penis coz it always stands when needed.

→ A man was fucking a nurse. She shouts: Aah it's painful.
Man: Kamini, daily u r injecting me where I don't hv hole, I'm putting it in ur hole & u say it hurts

→ 3 men sitting in a cafe, all wanking.
Waitress: What the fuck are you all doing?
One points to a sign that reads: FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!

→ Happiness is like penis; always looks small if u hold it in ur hands but when u learn to share it, u'll realize how big & precious it is!

→ Latest product in the market: George Bush condoms ideal for fuckers who dont know when to pull out

→ Q: Who's senior: Penis or Vagina?
A: Vagina, because penis always stands up in its honour.

→ They have found a new position in the Karma Sutra. It's called the 'plumber'...
Two of you stay in all day and no f*cker comes!

→ Women r the best Engines: Accepts any size of Piston, are self Lubricating, start up with a Finger, automatic oil change every 4 week.

→ Sex poetry: It's not the length, it's not the size, it's not how many times u can make it rise. It's not how well it fits, but how late it spits

→ Skoda recently launched a new car model LAURA. All drivers are having a tough time when theor Memsahibs say: Driver Laura Nikalo!

→ Little Girl: Mom, I just found out that the boy next door has a penis like a peanut.
Mommy: U mean it's small?
Little Girl: No, it's salty.

→ Man gives blood to save his girlfriends life. Later on they split up & man wants blood back. She throws a used tampon at him & says: Pay u monthly, u bastard!

→ The first day at the London sperm bank was pretty unsuccessful. Only three men made appointments and, of those, one came on the bus and the other two missed the tube.

→ All eggs in women decided to fight against sperms. They waited with guns in the pussy. That night no one came. Suddenly 1 shouted: Hamla Peeche se hua hai...

→ What is Long & Hard, has a hole at the tip and when u insert it into a wet, hairy & tight hole makes u feel better?
Vicks Inhaler

→ When u don't know whether to luv or hate, when u r in confused state, don't feel and don't debate, just sit alone & ...... MASTURBATE

Decent SMS Jokes

→  KNOWING YOURSELF

Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.                                                          

→  WHO YOU TRUST

There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.


→  GRATEFUL

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.


→  WASTING YOUR TIME

Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.


→ YOUR SMILE

Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.


→  YOU CAN'T...

The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.


→  BEAUTIFUL MOON

I look at the moon, the moon is beautiful... I look at you.. I.. I... I'd rather look at the moon again.. ;)

→  TYPE OF EGGS

There r 6 types eggs. Chicken egg = ji dan, Duck egg = ya dan, Bomb = zha dan, Person readin dis = hun dan, if u r smilin nw = chun dan & if angry = ben dan.


→  VALUE OF LIFE

The value of life does not depend on the length of time on this Earth but rather on the amount of love given and shared to the people we care about.


→  MEN!

Mental anxiety, Mental breakdowns, Menstrual cramps, Menopause... Did you ever notice how all problems begin with MEN!


→  FRIENDSHIP MEANS...

I want u 2 know that our friendship means a lot 2 me. U cry, I cry. U laugh.. I laugh. U jump out of d window.. I look down n then.. I laugh again.. hahaha


→  HEARTBREAKS

Heartbreaks will last as long as you want and Cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.

Best Friend SMS

 Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.

→ To find a truly great friend, you have to keep one eye closed - to keep him, two.

→ True friends are those who are there for you unconditionally. Never do they question, but always offer support no matter what the circumstances are. Best Friends are the people worth living for.

→ Side by side or miles apart, dear friends are always close to the heart.

→ A best friend is somebody who knows every last thing about you, yet still manages to like you anyway.

→ The medicine of life is to have several true faithful friends.

→ A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your successes.

→ I do not want a friend who smiles when I smile who weeps when I weep for my shadow in the pool can do better than that.

→ A true friend cares for you if she says nasty things to your face instead of behind your back.

→ Real friendship is most notable in those times of trouble. Times of prosperity are full of 'friends'.

→ True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.

→ Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.

→ No one person can possibly combine all the elements supposed to make up what everyone means by friendship.

→ Life without friendship is like the sky without sun.

→ Friendship is a single soul living in two bodies.

→ Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship -- never.

→ Two people can't wish to be friends long if they can't manage to forgive each other's minor failings.

→ Life is nothing without friendship.

→ Love is friendship set on fire.

→ Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief.

→ There is no distance too far between best friends, for friendship gives wings to the heart.

→ There is no friendship, no love, like that of the parent for the child.